The Agony and the Joy of Home Schooling

By Jan Matthews, Survivor

IT’S THAT TIME once again for home schooling moms to ask themselves, Do I home school this year or do I send them to school? Can I do it another year? Should I do it another year? Can I possibly survive another year? Can they survive me another year? Oh, God, show me the way!

BEGINNINGS

In 1980 we had three children and put our first child, Timmy, in a Christian school. It was wonderful, except for the hour-long trips to and from school. In 1981, no longer interested in spending two hours a day on the road, I took the leap into home schooling. After all, this was only 2nd grade. I can handle it! In those early years you had to count the cost because there weren’t many of us “home schoolers” out there, and you basically had to stay “in the closet.” But we were pioneers in our own right, and we waved our banners high!

By 4th grade, with a new baby — Abby— on the way, we put Timmy back into Christian school so he could have sports and more interaction with other children. Right. He began to develop a new four-letter word vocabulary on the playground, I was now driving three hours a day, and was having to sit up until midnight getting his homework done! I’d had enough. “That does it. If I’m going to teach him anyway, it’s going to be in the daytime.” Our journey began.

There are a lot of positives and negatives that go along with teaching your children at home. I’ll try to point out some of both in order to help you reach your “revelation moment.”

LOOKING BACK

This card extends grace & mercy to the bearer thereof; thus exempting him/her from correction deemed necessary by an act of disobedience.

ROD EXEMPTION.

As I recently cleaned out file cabinets and browsed through the old books, papers and projects we’d accumulated in 18 years of home schooling, I ran across “The Card.” That’s what we called it, and I remember the day it was created.

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The children and I always studied the Bible as part of our curriculum. One particular day I was trying to explain to them just what grace and mercy were. As many of you well know, hands-on application and experiential learning usually make the deepest impression. They somehow seem to “get it.”

The Lord prompted me to make this little Grace & Mercy card, which would redeem them from punishment if and when it became necessary to use the paddle. This was my covenant with them.

I only made one Card, so it was precious. They couldn’t earn the card and they couldn’t buy it. If I happened to have the Card in my possession, whenever I felt one of them really went the extra mile in displaying brotherly love or Christian character, I would say, “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to give you the Card.”

Trust me, it was the ultimate reward. Especially for the boys. And it would remain in that child's possession until they needed to “cash it in.” I mean, it was better than a “get out of jail free” card! This saved them from the paddle. There’s no way they’d lose it, give it away or even sell it! They would guard it like gold. And because they were generally very obedient, many times we would go several months before they had to use it for mercy. I would often forget who even had it. It was really a great teaching tool.

I recall one time when my husband was going to discipline Jason, and he ran to get “the Card” to present it to his dad.

Andy said, “What’s that?”

“It’s the Card. I don’t have to get a whipping now, I’m redeemed.”

“Where did that come from?”

“Mom gave it to me.”

My husband laughed and said, “That doesn’t work with me. I didn’t give it to you.”

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That is one of the “positives” in home schooling — being able to take extra time with your children and teach them the things of God. It is also a joy to see their little minds grasp how to read or how to solve math problems after days, weeks or months of wanting to grab their heads and stuff it in!

Of course, two of the obvious pluses to home schooling would be the advantage of being the major influence in your children’s lives during their early schoolage years, and avoiding the daily hassle of traffic while praying to God you make it to school on time. Oftentimes the expense of Christian school prohibits the possibility of some Christian homes to partake of their services; therefore home schooling is the only option available unless you want to sacrifice your child’s moral character to the public school system. And then, of course, additional benefits would be to — if you’re really diligent — get up early, have the schoolwork done by noon and then have the rest of the day free to clean, run errands, tend to business and go to the playground with the children or take field trips.

As I continued to go through my accumulation of schooling materials, I recalled how in the ‘80s, the first question that came to everyone’s mind was, Is it legal? I remember thinking, Who cares? Is it RIGHT? After all, abortion is legal, many drugs are legal — a lot of things are legal that are not right. Those were the “persecution” years. I laugh now, but it wasn’t so funny then!

THE AGONY

Home schooling never came easy for me, although I thoroughly enjoyed having my children home with me. Each child has a different personality, learns at his own pace, and must be dealt with individually and on a personal level. It takes commitment. It takes determination. It takes a lot of patience. Home schooling requires personal discipline, organization and creativity if you’re going to be successful, live through it and make it fun for the kids. But more than anything, it takes TIME. Eek!

But whatever decision you make, do it by faith. Don’t let fear rule your decision. But then that’s just a rule of Christian life. You need to trust God in whatever you do. And of course, you and your children will get out of it what you put into it.

If you train up your children at home and are involved in their schooling, they can do well wherever they are. I’ve seen kids in the worst of schools turn out just fine, while another in the finest Christian school go the way of the world. I’ve seen it in my own children, because each has his/her own “bent,” or personality. But still, as caring parents, we must do what we can while they’re young so they can be steered in the right direction for the later years.

I believe the most important thing you can do for your child is to BE THERE. You don’t have to be with them 24/7, but when you’re together, be there. Be there for them. Be available. Don’t get so involved in everything else and neglect the training of your children. They are your most precious gifts from God. Most of our children are grown now, and I love it when they say, “Mom, do you want to watch a movie?” Or, “Mom, let’s go shopping or something.” I think they’re still attached! I never really wanted them to grow up and leave home anyway!

So, how have our children turned out? We are pleased. They may have done better, but we are very proud of them all. Once again, I would say that children are individuals who grow, mature and come into their own “calling” at their own pace.

Tim is now 31, happily married. Tim only attend school in the 1st and 4th grades, and we let him quit after the 8th. He went to work for a few years at the age of 14, and then on to college later and was on the dean’s honor roll! Imagine that! He is now a police officer, and also has a black belt in one of the martial arts.

Angela is 27 and a stay-at-home mom. We’re about to face the schooling decision pretty soon with her children.

The others, Jason, Abby and Alyson are doing well. Jason learned a trade, Abby is working and Alyson is in college. Joey is 15 now, he’s been in three Christian schools and we finally let him go to public school for two months last year. That will never happen again! So it looks like just the two of us are going to be home schooling this year. Or do I want to put him back in Christian school? Hmm.

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I believe the greatest obstacle I personally dealt with was trying to care for a baby while teaching the school-aged children. Our home was all about diapers and bottles from 1974 until 1993, and we loved every minute of it.

I would have the children hard at work when the baby would wake up and require attention, feeding, or a diaper change. Then, of course, if it was a toddler, they would want to play with the other kids, climb in their laps, grab the schoolwork and run off giggling, etc. Everything would come to a screeching halt, no more schoolwork for the day. You get the picture.

The the most productive, pleasant year we ever had as home schoolers was in 1996 when we met daily with a group of about 15 children. Each day two moms would oversee the class. Everyone worked at their own pace on whatever curriculum they had chosen, and the “teachers” simply helped answer any questions. It was a very structured atmosphere with a designated lunchtime, a recess period, and two breaks.

Through the years there were days when I wanted to pull my hair out and run down the street screaming. I am exaggerating, of course. But most of the time, I thoroughly enjoyed the interaction with my children and knew I was blessed to be able to be home with them to minister to their needs. I certainly lay no claim to being the best home school mom that ever lived, but I’m also confident that I was not the worst. Remember, whatever you do, it must be accomplished by faith!

THE JOY

I’ll never forget a particular school day in 1991. It was then that I realized my efforts had not been vain. In the spring of ‘91 our children were ages 16, 12, 11, 7, 5, and Joey was 4 months. Jason was 11. We had just finished a productive morning of class and were taking a lunch break before the baby woke up. I wanted to accomplish a lot in school that day because the school year was coming to a close.

As we all sat in the living room relaxing a few moments, I noticed that Jason was not numbered among us.

I asked the kids, “Where’s Jason?”

They all shook their heads to say, We don’t know.

About that time I heard giggling coming from the bedroom. Jason had awakened the baby! He had committed the unpardonable!

You need to understand, Jason was about the coolest kid in the family — or so the younger ones thought. Let’s face it, the Matthews would be nothing if it weren’t for Jason. I would have nothing to preach if it weren’t for him! He made us all cool, right? Yeah, well, that particular day, his “back door” was mine!

I lost it. I can only recall one other time when I’ve been so angry, and that’s another story. He’d ruined my entire plan, the day was now shot and we could do no more schoolwork until tomorrow.

I jumped up, grabbed the paddle (plastic oar), ran to the bedroom with all the kids running behind me. (In our household, a paddling was rare and it was a family affair! Everyone wanted to watch.) I was furious, nostrils flaring and practically hyperventilating as I said through my teeth, “Lay across the bed! Jason! Lay across the bed! You are getting it!”

“Can we wait till dad gets home?” Nobody ever wanted dad to paddle them! This was serious!

“NO! Lay across the bed right now!”

Tears were streaming down his little face, “Okay! Okay! I’ll be right back! As he ran down the hall and up the stairs to his room. I knew he was going to put on some jeans over his shorts, and he’d probably put a paper plate in for cushioning.

He ran back shortly, “Mom!”

“Jason, I don’t want to hear it! Lay across the bed right now!”

“Mom!”

“JASON!”

“MOM! Just one thing!”

“What!”

Out of nowhere, he held his hand up and screamed through his tears, “I’VE GOT THE CARD!”

Pfft. Moment of truth. All the wind went out of me like a popped balloon. Was I going to honor the Card? I hadn’t thought of it or seen it in several years.

God gave me a vision. I could just see Jason at the foot of the throne screaming, “I’VE GOT THE BLOOD! I’VE GOT THE BLOOD! I’VE GOT THE BLOOD!”

Lesson learned. We all began to laugh.

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